Week 6 Story: The Kid and the Frozen Pool
Many years ago, a little boy named Timmy's family got a big, new house, and with it came a big, new pool! Timmy was of the age of peak curiosity, just old enough to know how things work, but not quite old enough to think into his decisions. Moving into their new home in mid November left Timmy sad that he wouldn't be able to use the pool because his parents said it was far too cold. Timmy had other plans, one winter night, he stealthily made his way outside and began to run the hose to the fountain. Unbeknownst to him, pools can and will overflow without the right controls in place, so in leaving the water running overnight, it spilled out everywhere near the pool and forming an icy sheet by morning. Excited to show his parents that it's never too cold to swim, he quickly ran outside and tried to make it to the pool. In his speed, he didn't see that the water was in fact frozen! Slipping onto his butt, his parents looked on in horror at first, but quickly saw he hadn't hit his head and began to laugh. To this day, Timmy is wary of the difference between ice and water. What he didn't see coming was the technological advances in today's world. One day, walking in a kid's science museum, he saw a pool! Nothing's cooler than an indoor pool in a science museum to a kid. He excitedly ran to it and jumped only to fall again. This part of the museum was all about the technology of screens, and the floor was one big screen made to look like walking on water. Little Timmy would struggle with his water problems for the years to come until he grew old enough to know for sure.
Author's Note/ Bibliography: This was loosely based on a story I read in the PDE Mahabharata, called Maya's Palace. In this story, there were many areas of the palace made of crystal, and others made to be pools. Without paying attention, one could easily mistake a crystal grove for a pool! That's exactly what happened to King Duryodhana. All the while the Pandavas laughed at him. I wanted to take this to the modern world with some of the things I've seen before and how they could fool someone not paying full attention.
Author's Note/ Bibliography: This was loosely based on a story I read in the PDE Mahabharata, called Maya's Palace. In this story, there were many areas of the palace made of crystal, and others made to be pools. Without paying attention, one could easily mistake a crystal grove for a pool! That's exactly what happened to King Duryodhana. All the while the Pandavas laughed at him. I wanted to take this to the modern world with some of the things I've seen before and how they could fool someone not paying full attention.
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| The proper way a pool should be enjoyed, NOT in the winter! |
This is great, Reid. I didn't recognize which story this was inspired by at first and I really appreciate how you made it your own. This made me imagine myself in Timmy's position and what it would feel like if I kept mistaking something else for water. I laughed at the end when I finally realized which story this was inspired by. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a fun story to read! I totally gets Timmy's excitement about getting a pool! It's kinda hard to wait all winter to swim! I was trying to figure out what story this was based on, but I didn't understand until I read your author's note, your changes were fun and made sense. The only thing I would suggest would be to proofread a bit more, you have a weird error in the beginning that distracted me. It was still a good story though, thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Reid! This was a fun, short story to read! I liked that it reads like the fun cautionary tales that parents would tell their kids, like "If you lie, your nose will grow longer like Pinocchio". I liked the connection that you made between the palaces made of crystal to a frozen pool. You definitely made the story your own and I enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteHey Reid! You did a great job of making the original story your own. Like Kim mentioned, your storytelling style is one that reminds me of cautionary tales. You only left in essential details, which made it really easy to read and understand, but it was still fun to read because I kept wondering what would happen. Really great job!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a cute story! Poor Timmy! I've worked as a lifeguard for three summers now, and I'm ashamed to admit that I too have left a fill line on overnight. Pools do indeed overflow! Thankfully this was in July though, so my pool didn't turn into a sheet of ice. Needless to say my supervisor wasn't too happy. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Reid! What a cute and real story. I love how you developed the story line form the original story. You were able to make the story modern and relatable. This added a lot of creativity and personality. You kept the story short, but managed to include all necessary details. Overall, you did a really great job with this story and its development.
ReplyDeleteHi Reid!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you kept this story short and to the point, it was very easy and enjoyable to read, in my opinion. I felt pretty bad for poor Timmy, betrayed by the elements not once, but twice. I wouldn't be surprised if he was hydrophobic or icephobic, since these might have been crucial defining moments for his developing years.
Hi Reid,
ReplyDeleteI love the story. I definitely relate to this story. I have seen kids jump into the pool when it was too cold and not ready for swimming yet, and it has been funny. Overall, I love how the new story has no resemblance to the original, but still retained the original story. I would use a spell checker because the beginning had some grammar problems. Beautifully written!!
Hey Reid! I really enjoyed reading this story. This story is so relatable as I have jumped into freezing pools before and I have also been embarrassed in front of a lot of people plenty of times. You did a great job telling a short and captivating story that the reader can laugh at. This was a great story keep up the good work.
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